Brenda, Paul, Austin and Audrey

Another thing I just don't get

2011-01-01T09:31:00.002-05:00

Every now and then, I come across markets that I just don't get. The latest is the Crayola Color Wonder, Color Explosion, and Doodle Pro. There are other items similar to these, so go ahead and group them in. Basically they are all sketch/coloring options for kids that involve special equipment to avoid using paper, crayons and markers. I just don't get it. I read reviews and the people mainly say how clean up is easy and you don't have to keep giving the child paper or picking up the crayons/markers when they roll on the floor. I want to scream. Is attending to your child that time consuming? Is handing them paper and crayons such a big deal? (Yes, it is a bit of a pain trying to find a crayon on an airplane...that is why I keep most of those crayons we get from restaurants...dropped the red, here's another one). You can use paper from work or what ever. Bring a glue stick, kid scissors, crayons and paper and you to serious craft supplies. I cut the paper down to fit all in a gallon size ziploc... you are golden for travel and keeping them busy. Add stickers, you have at least an hour of fun.

I think Crayola need some additional markets and promoted these products. Then we bought into it. If they work for you, use them until your heart is content. Personally, I like the way crayons look on paper and I don't mind little hands with marker marks on them...signs of being a child if you ask me.

2010 Holidays

2010-12-30T16:35:00.002-05:00

Oh, what a wonderful Holiday we had. Having the time off to spend with the family really helped my soul. Both of them are great and play so well together. Audrey looks up to Austin and he takes care of her. It's amazing how they can play with the same toys and have fun. I will post Christmas pics soon. Promise.

We are going to Hawaii for a couple of weeks again. The last time we went, Audrey was just 3 months. We are doing Maui this time. I've already packed for the kids (except jeans, socks, and underwear for Austin)...I'm silly!

Woodworking next?

2010-12-17T17:45:00.004-05:00

I have become very interested in woodworking. There is this site (www.ana-white.com) that helps me believe I can make almost any piece of furniture (that she has plans for). Then truth sets in and I decide Paul can make this. He built a deck and a fence. Sure he didn't finish the deck, but it's still standing.

This is the first item I would like Paul to build me. It's a farmhouse table and I would like 1 bench made. Maybe he can use the deck to build the table on. The garage is full of things he won't get rid.

Oh, I'm so sick right now. I have a horrible sinus infection. I know, I just got over one less than a month ago. Maybe I should have finished that prescription of antibiotics. Maybe there is some truth in the whole antibiotic thing. Well, I didn't tell the doctor I only took 5 days of a 14 day course. I promise to the world that I will finish this course of meds. Plus, I'm in so much pain. I'm ready to take a percocet or two.

Update on the kids:
They are both fine (knock on wood). Audrey is in the "no" phase demanding various things. We tend to ignore her which makes her demand louder. She stomps her foot (right one only) and puts her hand on her hip. And no, she does not get this from me. Austin is wonderful. He's into video games, Sonic, Beyblade, and Pokemon. As long as he has those things and a steady supply of juice, he's golden. Oh, his reading has drastically improved. We are almost up to chapter books and he's doing well in math. I couldn't believe the homework his kindergarten teacher sent home. He's in the "challenge" group and the worksheet asked him to add 3 digit numbers. What he's been in school 3 months. He totally got it with out... I guess she knew he was ready.

(I hear ringing...I wonder if it's real or in my head)

Audrey wants a skirt to twirl around in. So I'm thinking of making her one of these skirts over the weekend. I'll see if I have enough fabric around the house. Paul isn't going for a fabric store run. I'm outlawed. (I'm signing up for another sewing class this winter... Yeah)

Pretend Play for Girls

2010-11-21T13:26:00.003-05:00

I'm not a girly girl. Never have been. I played with dolls and did the makeup thing (fake make up in those days), but that was about it. I never really was into the princess thing either. Yesterday, Audrey was exposed to a totally Pink playroom. Several kitchens (one was Tinkerbell's kitchen--what in the world would a fairy cook?), a Cinderella makeup center, Disney princess outfits, dolls, shortcake, etc. She was in love. She spent hours pretend playing. She put the dolls to sleep, changed clothes, diapered them, and feed them (from a tea set, not her boob). It was really cute and she enjoyed the pretend play.

We don't have those toys at home. She basically has Austin old toys with a little Dora sprinkled in. Oh, and 2 dolls from Cracker Barrel. She has a Dora pink plush chair and a set of stacking boxes. My friend said she really needs a kitchen. I went online and can't believe the prices of the wooden kitchens.

(Found the exact same one at Costco for $159)

I'm sure it is just me but for $160 bucks I can think of other things she would enjoy better.

All Alone

2010-11-19T18:55:00.002-05:00

I am all alone this weekend. Well, I have the kids but Paul is gone. Today went really well. I got everyone off to school. I worked from home and then picked Austin up at 3. We went to the grocery store where I got the real Sudafed...the behind the counter stuff...(later on that) and some Mucinex. We then dropped by one of his friends houses. He played Wii and I chatted. By 5, we got Audrey and then went for fast food.

I may have to cook tomorrow...

Sudafed. I haven't had this in awhile. What was I thinking. It really is great for colds. Only thing is that I get excited and fear I won't be able to sleep.

Nick Jr and Netflix

2010-11-17T20:11:00.001-05:00

Nick Jr and Netflix are life savers. Audrey is obsessed with all things Dora and Austin is playing a flash game on Nick Jr. Every couple of minutes, I have to pause Dora to read a Dora or Diego book. She likes the look and find ones. Even though we have about 5 of them, I am so tired of saying "where is the" or "can you find the".

Austin on the other hand knows if he is quite, I won't mention he has been playing too long. So he is trying game after game on Nick Jr. He doesn't like the games "with a timer". He wanted to play beyblader online but I said he should wait for Paul. "Mommy doesn't understand what to do in games like that".

Oh no, the gig is about up. Audrey is at the computer watching Austin pick a new game. She will press power in about 3 minutes. Or she will want to play a Dora game.
Brenda

Fanning the air

2010-11-16T17:55:00.002-05:00

Having a boy for a child is a very enlightening experience for a female. Farts are not just for frat house humor. There is a whole world of farts you learn about. Austin wanted to know how the fire burned in the fireplace without real wood. I explained we had a gas fireplace and the connection. He wanted to know if natural gas was similar to farts.

You also realize that the fascination with their penis starts really early in life. They like to hold it, pull on it, keep it warm and so on. The other day, I found Austin in front of the fire place with his underwear pulled down (or was it off). I asked him why and he told me his penis was cold. Then he turned around and bent over because his butt was also cold.

And the third thing that happened recently. Austin was talking to me and suddenly stopped. I asked him to finish as told him to concentrate. He was fanning his arms around and acting like a butterfly. He told me that he was fanning the air because he just farted and it was really smelly. He didn't want me to smell it. :-)

Orientation

2010-09-01T02:00:00.001-04:00

Austin has orientation for kindergarten tomorrow. He's so calm about it. It truly isn't a big deal for him. I, of course, can't sleep. Parents are suppose to drop them off and LEAVE. Maybe this is more of a test run for the parents. I received word from several moms that they don't leave. Instead we hover in the gym with our latte and blackberry/iphone.

I'm debating if he should go preppy, sporty, or business casual. Should I trim his hair? I better remember to make sure he floss. And I need to charge the camera. How many photos turn me from the caring mom into that over attached crazy lady? Do we bring the glue sticks now? So much to think about.

Tonight I reflect on the last 5+ years. He is growing and will someday leave for college. Then grad school. Then to his wife.
Brenda

2010-09-01T01:59:00.001-04:00

Brenda

Change

2010-08-30T11:28:00.002-04:00

There is so much going on with me.

I’m at this stage where I’m not sure about my future. I guess no one is ever sure about the future. I feel this sense of unrest inside. I need more order, control, and release. Things are really complicated and the decisions I have to make will change the course of my life. I also feel that I've become a little lost in my marriage. Like I've lost part of me. What does Brenda like? I really enjoy being with the family, but I need to do some things that don't involve them. I've started meeting friends for drinks, but I feel so guilty and rush home shortly after arriving.

And, I need to decide if I'm going to apply for academic jobs or foundation jobs or stay where I'm at. I also never started exercising and I need to control what I eat better. My body is mush. I also need to become more organized. Austin is starting school in a week.

I keep telling myself to take baby steps. But what is the first step? Maybe a list of goals that I can translate into behaviors. A time frame...and off I will go.

Audrey

2010-08-07T08:43:00.002-04:00

Audrey is a handful. She has so much energy, personality, personality, attitude, and a big brother. The combination is exhausting at times, but brings me a lot of joy. She is on the path to being a strong woman. She won't be one of those girls wishing for a prince to save her. Nope, she will be the warrior queen that brought 7 years of terror on the land. No...well maybe. She has a good heart.

Seeing her with a sword, charging toward her opponent brings me great joy. All along wearing a pink skirt and shirt that says "Awesome".

Vegas? Not so fast

2010-08-07T08:32:00.002-04:00

So Paul hasn't cleaned for sin city yet. It's not looking good guys. I may end up with a messy house and him here wishing he was in Vegas. Yes, a lose-lose situation for me. I was thinking of hiring a sitter and hitting the town while he was gone. Oh well, that may have to wait awhile.

On another note, I need to lose weight. Yep, I've made it to the weight when I tell myself, "Self, you better get up and do something or you are going to be wider than you are taller." I have started taking my lunch (5 WW points Lean Cuisine dinner) and having fruit for snacks. This isn't going to be enough. I'm going to start doing Weight Watchers again. I'll spend this week getting the hang of it. I need to plan meals better and only have 1 serving at dinner time. I'm not sure what I'm going to do about my ben-n-jerry's chunky monkey affair. I would rather not eat dinner than give it up. Maybe I can just have 1 or 2 spoon fulls instead of eating out of the container. LOL

Oh this is going to be fun. A messy house with a hungry Brenda.

Clean up for Sin City?

2010-06-27T07:34:00.003-04:00

Paul would like to leave me and our 2 kids to go to Sin City (aka Vegas). So he made a wager that in 1 week, the whole house will be cleaned and organized...up to my level. To be generous (i.e., giving him enough rope to hang himself), I will give him 7 days starting on Monday. His office is going to be the hardest room and he won't have any hiding places...closets are part of the house.

If he was smart, he would either take me up on throwing it all away or he would rent a storage locker...one with air so he can go there and throw stuff out. LOL

(shhhh, the basement and garage are part of the house)

Silly Bandz

2010-05-12T14:10:00.002-04:00

Austin was given his first Silly Bandz. We heard from other parents what they were about a month ago and thought it was crazy. Of course he broke the rubber band in about 10 minutes. I think he wanted another one, but that wasn't an option. I'm sure they are a health hazard for Audrey. She can choke is what I thought.

But I just heard they are coming out with Iron Man and Spiderman versions. I may buy him some. I wish I knew how to make my own. Or better yet, develop a cool toy and sell to kids.

Ideas?

What would you do for $5?

2010-03-18T13:56:00.002-04:00

There is a website where you post what you will do for $5. www.fiverr.com
The site charges $5, but the person gets only $4...they keep $1...

I should do one for $2... and keep 50 cent...

Funny Comics

2010-03-17T10:29:00.003-04:00

Funny, but true!

Do you like me?

2010-03-17T10:05:00.003-04:00

Austin told Paul and I that he didn't think we liked each other. He knew that we liked him and Audrey, but he didn't think I liked Paul or Paul liked me. He said that he felt we loved each other, but ... not like.

I went on to explain all the ways Paul shows me he likes me...and Paul told Austin that he knew I liked him. But Austin was on to something. I'm not the most expressive person and the majority of the time I'm between being pissed at Paul and being disappointed in him. So, maybe Austin is picking up on what I'm trying to not let surface.

Thus, Paul...shape up and do what I want, when I want it...or your child will be scarred for life and think it's okay to be in an emotionless relationship with a person that doesn't like you!

(I do like my husband and we aren't in an emotionless relationship...but he needs to realize that he should do what I want when I want it done. That is what I thought marriage was all about. That's what I signed up for.)

Cute Kids

2010-03-17T09:51:00.006-04:00

Latest pics

I have adorable children. They are so cute and have wonderful personalities. Many people say they were easy babies (not sure I agree, they both nursed way too much if you ask me and they are very demanding...like the mama).

And how about these?

Now, tell me they aren't adorable....

Wondering

2010-03-16T10:15:00.003-04:00

This is going to be one of those post asking why? Sometimes I wonder why are we doing what we are doing. Why do we spend so much time doing what we have to do so that we will be able to do what we want to do? I know this sounds like the beginning of a get rich book or a self improvement seminar, but it isn't. I'm a little confused.

Is is possible to do what you want the majority of the time? Are there people out there that lives a life like this? How do you pay for your life style?

Just wondering.

Inventing a New Diet

2010-03-16T09:39:00.004-04:00

I would like to invent a new diet. It's something we already do, but I would like to show others how they can actually lose weight on this diet. It is simple and painless. Seriously. You will lose tons of weight and feel great while you are doing it. You will be so happy that you won't even notice you are on a diet. The pounds will slip off of you like water from the shower.

And, you will be happy! No depriving your self. No hunger. Pure bliss! Oh, no exercise. Except for the amount of energy it takes for you to get the food. Walking to the pantry or fridge and buying it in the store. Oh, if you aren't losing weight as fast as you like, maybe you should prepare your own instead of buying it prepared. The extra calories you will burn cooking should jump start your weight loss.

This is sounding too good isn't it? Well, it's not. No, I have not found some ancient herb only people in a far off land that doesn't speak English use. And no, this isn't something published in an obscure medical journal written in non-English. This is from the heartland! It's simple and fool proof. The only way this will not work for you is if you are an idiot. Yes, I'm going to be honest with you. If it doesn't work, your are an idiot!

So what is the new diet?

The Chocolate Diet!

Breakfast
-low fat chocolate yogurt
-1 cup fresh fruit
-1 slice of low fat whole wheat bread

Lunch
-salad w/fat free Italian style dressing (unlimited)
-3 oz of lean protein (grilled, steamed, baked with no more than 1 tsp of oil)
-1 cup of low-fat chocolate milk or 16 dark chocolate chips (min 60% cocoa)

Dinner
-any green veggie (steamed or grilled w/o oil) unlimited
-3 oz lean protein (grilled, steamed, baked with no more than 1 tsp of oil)
-1 cup of low fat chocolate ice cream or 16 dark chocolate chips (min 60% cocoa)

Do this and you will be happy, full-filled and thin!

Oh, what if you are going out to dinner/lunch. Don't despair.
Breakfast: go for the chocolate muffin, but you only get unlimited salad w/ FF dressing for lunch
Lunch: go for the steak or fish and steamed/grilled veggies. This is always the safest bet. Tell them to hold any sauces....
Dinner: same as lunch.

Simple and you will not be hungry. (not sure if this is healthy...haven't actually tried it...LOL)

Want to try it with me? If so, drop me a comment.

Laundry Soap Recipe

2010-03-14T19:06:00.004-04:00

I have been making my own laundry soap and foaming soap for over a year now. It is so inexpensive to make. I'm not sure if I've posted the recipes before, so here you go.
Oh, you can use this in HE washers because it doesn't make suds. Do a search online if you want to confirm...

Powdered Laundry Detergent

2 cups Fels Naptha Soap (finely grated – you could also try the other bar soaps listed at the top)
1 cup Washing Soda
1 cup Borax

Mix well and store in an airtight plastic container.
Use 2 tablespoons per full load.

Foaming Soap (the foaming action comes from the dispenser...so you must have a foaming dispenser)...

3 tablespoons liquid hand soap or Joy dish washing soap (do not use soap with lots of conditioner...it will clog the pump)
2/3 cup warm water

Directions

Put soap into dispenser.
Gently pour in water.
Do not shake.

Love

2010-03-09T21:26:00.000-05:00

Today I had a chance to reflect upon the moments I realized I might be pregnant. With both Austin and Audrey, I knew I was with child before I even missed a period. Before you think this is due to some divine intervention, it was because I started taking pregnancy test 6 days after ovulation. Actually, I may have started before 6 days so that I could be sure what a negative test looked like. I took so many pregnancy test that I bought the strips from a company in China. I had over 150 pregnancy test strips... I would test 3-4 times a day. Once I got a positive, I ran and got blood work taken to confirm.

But with every ovulation, I felt life was there. I imagined what the child would look like and what temperament he/she might have. That is true love. Loving the child before they are formed. When they look like a tadpole and still have a tail. I do miss that moment. The flutter in your heart when you hear the heartbeat. Or the excitement of looking a stick you just peed on with 2 lines. True Love!

Living with the Enemy

2010-03-09T11:32:00.002-05:00

I am living with the enemy. I wake up with the enemy. Sleep with the enemy. Our clutter and state of disarray has become my enemy. My grandmother always said that if you have a problem, get rid of the problem...don't internalize it, tackle that problem head on and destroy it.

If only she would have given me marriage advice to go along with this. Since I live with someone who believes he has a say in this, I have to figure out what to do about him. Do I send him away on a trip and then have 1-800-got-junk pay us a visit? Do I take things out nightly while he's asleep and then dump it at the dump? Do I burn it in the backyard?

I've moved past the phase of trying to deal with this in a normal way. I want a drastic action and I'm going to take it. Paul loves me and will get over it (oh, I mean he will forgive me). If not, at least the house will be ready to sale it in the divorce.

Feeling a little Lost

2010-03-01T17:21:00.002-05:00

I know how to lose weight. Diet and Exercise. You keep it off by eating healthy and exercising a lifestyle. Why then am I feeling so lost? I have all the Weight Watchers materials. I know the plan. I also have every diet book on the market.

Should I start going back to meetings? Or will that be another thing I don't have time for?

Why can't it come off when I sleep?

Just call me Dr

2010-02-25T16:56:00.004-05:00

Things went great Monday. I'm Dr...

What shall I do as Dr? Well, I am ready to lose weight. Yes. A true lifestyle change. It takes 21 days before a behavior is a habit...maybe 30 days for me. I also need goals or challenges. I'm not one to sign of for a walk or marathon. Not my thing. But I need some accountability. I want to get down to a size 4. I know, that is tiny but that is what I want. Between you and me, I will be happy with a size 6...but nothing more than that.

Today is day 0. I'm not sure what I will need to get down to that size or how long it will take. My goal is to get to a size 6 by June 1 and a size 4 by July 1. Because women sizes isn't a true science. Many designers have realized that they sell more if you think you are a smaller size. I will be using the standardized US size charts.

Size 4
bust 34
waist 25 1/2
hip 36 1/2

Size 6
bust 34
waist 26 1/2
hip 37 1/2

I'm a size 12 now...yes, I have a ways to go!

I plan to start recording what I eat and drink. I will eat breakfast, snack, lunch, snack, and dinner. I will eat half of what I normally eat.
Exercise:
I will exercise for 15min daily for 2 weeks.
(after 2 weeks, I will increase it to 25 min daily, then 35 min, then 45 min) Workouts will be weight and cardio.
I will sit on an exercise ball at work. (great for the abs).

Dissertation Defense

2010-02-20T11:47:00.002-05:00

Monday is the big day!

I hate exercising, but I have to start

2010-02-16T03:48:00.003-05:00

If you know me, you know that I would rather starve myself than exercise. I'm not sure why I hate sweating so much. Once I start exercising regularly, I don't mind it so much and I have actually enjoyed it at times. Several things I have realized in the past: It must be really cool or a winter sport.

I want to lose about 40 pounds. Yes, I'm going for college weight. Why not? I was tiny in college and I looked good in every item of clothing I put on. Sure, I was too thin to give blood but that was the beginning of college. I'm going for my mid college weight. I haven't gotten on the scale, but I think to get to my desired weight, I have about 30 to 40 lbs. I might as well make 40 the goal.

So what does one have to do to lose 40 pounds. Diet and exercise...yes, but I have to change my whole lifestyle. My behaviors. Being a behavioral scientist. I know that this is nearly impossible. It's really hard to start a new behavior. But I also know what to do to improve my chances.

First, you need to identify the behavior. Saying I want to lose weight, I want to eat right, or I want to exercise are all goals. When you want to change behavior, you have to identify a specific (measurable) behavior. For example, I plan to eat between 1200 and 1500 calories a day. I plan to ride the exercise bike for 30 mins M, W, and F during lunch time and maintain ____ heart rate. I plan to weight train my whole body T, T, and Sat. Get the point, you have to set measurable, specific goals. This is how the mind works.

Second, you need to asses your attitude, norms, and self-efficacy regarding each specific behavior. Basically, you are identifying what will facilitate/hinder your decision. You are identifying the people who will help/hurt you, situations that will make it easy/difficult to perform the behavior, and your attitude toward the behavior (what "things" are pros/cons).

Here is an example, Paul cooks for me and we eat out a lot. If I want to stay within a certain calorie/fat restriction plan, it's going to be a) really hard to figure out the calories, b) uncomfortable dealing with him on a personal level (I've been here before in the past...it's hard saying how much butter did you add to this or can you not fry mine or Thanks but I'm going to have to eat something else), and c) eating out is so hard when counting calories.

Thus, I already feel that changing any eating behaviors is going to be hard and cause relationship problems.

Exercise...I have very little time, I'm out of shape and don't know where to start, I'm tired when I get home and I don't want to wake up in the morning to do it. I don't feel Paul would take the kids so that I can exercise (I have to negotiate using the bathroom or taking a shower sometimes...you think I feel he's going to be cool with me working out daily for 45 minutes?)

Thus, I already feel exercising is going to be a challenge and probably a failure.

So what do I do? I know I have to do something. I also know that some of these beliefs may not be true and even if they are true, I have to build my self efficacy. I also have to devise a plan for dealing with each situation.

Maybe I should start cooking for myself. My cooking skills aren't too bad. Plus, simple is much better when it comes do dieting. Chicken and lean cuts with veggies (lunch/dinner) and eggs/hot cereals for breakfast. Yes, I can add more variety, but initially I don't want to complicate things too much. This maybe the time to start Weight Watchers again.

Maybe I should work out during lunch time. I can prepare a small salad or protein/veggie lunch and eat that after my work out at my desk. There is a gym at work and I have my own office. I'm at work 5 days a week.

I think I may have a plan starting to come together. Wish me luck. I will keep you posted. I'm going to do pictures, but I won't post them. They are good for a visual aid and maybe I will write a book. Like the world needs another weight loss book.

Just checked the cost of membership...$400 and that doesn't include group sports. Yes, it's not that bad but I don't want to pay and never use it. Guess I will use netflix with weights in my office or go for a walk at lunch! Once I've done that for a while, I will consider the gym.

Is it human nature?

2010-02-06T03:52:00.004-05:00

I love Shark Tank (and the British version Dragon's Den). I'm also into those other shows where an industry leading comes in to help the company that's about to go under (Kitchen Nightmares, Mary Queen of Shops and the Hotel Inspector). There are several common themes that I have noticed:
1) People don't recognize failure
2) People think they can do the same thing, but get different results
3) People don't listen to the advice of others
4) The people around the business owners stop being honest.

But I see this happening in the real-world in many different parts of life. It isn't just with a business, it occurs all over the place. I think this is why people don't like to quantify things and don't set out with a plan. If you don't write down a plan with measurable goals, you can continue to lie to yourself about where things stand. Take dieting for example. Behavioral theories than predict outcome would say that you need a clear behavioral goal with executable plans. You don't say, I want to go on a diet...you say, I'm going to eat ____ number of calories/fat a day for the next 30 days. OR I'm going to exercise for ____ min a day ___ times a week. You also should say, every ____ days I will evaluate the past ___ days to see how I've done and to make any necessary adjustments.

Now let's apply this to a business. You would start with a business plan. You would establish a time frame with goals and you would have an exit plan. If by a certain time frame, a certain level of achievement hasn't been reached and sustained...time for a game change. In the majority of the shows, people will go down in flames before they change directions.

I also see this behavior in relationships. A couple is dating and they are at the point where they want to be married. Time passes and they aren't married. One person decides it's been long enough and starts to apply the pressure. The next person decides to make "movements" or they give the "I'm not ready because (insert typical reason...family drama, work, school, money, been hurt before, was married before) but I love you and don't want to lose you". Now the other person has a choice to make but what do they do...they stay!

Third and 4th idea

2010-01-21T04:15:00.001-05:00

3) All the Democrats and Obama could meet with the Republicans (including Leiberman). They would extend their hands and Obama would say, "we want to work with you and start a new era in Washington. We ask you to draft a document of what your voters want regarding healthcare. Please complete this by ____"

4) Obama could go to congress and ask each Republican directly, "what do you want in a healthcare bill". Not allowing 10 soundbites.

Game Change?

2010-01-20T09:29:00.002-05:00

With the election of Scott Brown in Massachusetts, I bet the Democrats are thinking it's time to change their game plan. This is one election, but it tells a lot about the mood of Americans. We have a VERY short memory. Obama has been in office for a year and many problems of today stem from actions and policies during the Bush administration, but we want it fixed and fixed now. That is what I think the Democrats didn't realize (or chose to ignore due to their arrogance...I think most politicians are arrogant...)

Considering Obama doesn't have a Senate majority, there are several game plans. I think this is riding on Obama because the public view of him will determine the November elections and will determine if he is a one term wonder.

Objective 1: Money, Money, Money
The economy SUCKS and people feel like the ones with money are getting more. Big banks were bailed out, CEOs get big salaries and bonuses, and the rich are living large. The non-rich think that one day they can become rich. Thus, you are going to piss people off if you try to tax the rich, but you need to find a way to get money into peoples hands...and fast. I propose a site that allows people to post what they are good at. Then government agencies and companies can hire people. Companies will get a "relief" for hiring people in this database. Maybe they can offer no benefits because this would be seen as a short-term job. They could even limit the time the person can stay in the position before the company has to be hired. They could also limit the type of companies that could use the system...maybe not for profits and other community based organizations.

And, the gov could supplement child care while people are using this program.

People would get to work, the community would benefit...all good things. I'm sure there are many flaws, but at least it's something. With a 10% unemployment rate, the Obama administration has to get people working...that's what the NEW DEAL did.

Objective 2: Everyone Loves Us
We like to think that we are loved by others or at least envied. So we need to hear that. This relates to the wars. Here we are in countries that NO ONE wants us there. The people we are suppose to be helping don't want us and the people who we are trying to take out, are taking us out. Obama should pull out of Iraq and Afghanistan. NOW! Tell those governments that we will act more like a foundation for 2 years while they rebuild themselves. They can apply for grants to rebuild but will be required to produce quarterly reports. No progress, no money from us. Then, I would take efforts to a place that would love our intervention. HOME! (and help out Haiti along the way).

Objective 3: (more latter...)

He's a natural!

2010-01-02T17:49:00.000-05:00

Austin had a great time and advanced to the second level after his half day class. We signed him up for another day. He loved it. I think we will also go tubing tomorrow.

Going Sking

2010-01-02T10:17:00.002-05:00

Sking...Austin...alone on a mountain top. Well not really alone. He will be in a class and Paul and Wayne will be on the slopes. I pray this doesn't become a search and rescue mission.
--loving mom

(i packed his lunch and taped a note to it!

Ebook Readers

2009-12-31T18:25:00.002-05:00

My sister-in-law is getting an ebook reader for Christmas. It's the Barnes and Noble Nook. I saw an advertisement for the Nook while at the campus textbook store (owned by Barnes and Noble) but it didn't really catch my attention enough to look at it. I've seen the Kindle by Amazon and it looked cool. I'm starting to feel really old because I don't see the point of an ebook reader when you can download ebooks onto your laptop, desktop, or phone. Why commit to buying your books from one location. And they are in black and white. $300 bucks seem like a lot for a black and white reader when you can get a cute netbook that does more.

But since they are the rave, I must not just be old.... (okay, I like books. I like to turn pages). But, it would be nice to carry a book on something as small as my blackberry. Then I wouldn't have to take my book into the bathroom...I could bring my reader. Oh, I can read ebooks on my blackberry. Both Amazon and B&N have software you can download to do so...

Why get an ebook reader?

H and H

2009-12-26T11:47:00.002-05:00

I think I'm ready to try a carmel hair treatment. It is an all natural deep conditioner that was sold in stores until the company changed it's recipe to include chemicals. I know it sounds crazy, but people say it's the best think in the world. So I think I'm going to try it when I get back to Philly.
The main recipes I see online include: honey,olive oil, bananas, molasses, cornstarch, water, vinegar, and wheat germ oil.

Christmas was great! The kids had a wonderful time and so did the parents. We are in San Diego visiting Paul's family and will go to LA on Monday to see my Aunt.

Shopping

2009-11-30T10:08:00.003-05:00

If you know me, you know that I HATE malls and shopping. Confession: There is only one place I feel home, the electronics and computer department. I can't imagine standing in line at 3 am praying that I will get one of the 5 (insert item) at that "door buster" price. It's the biggest scam. They under stock the store so that when you get there, you have to purchase another (higher priced) item.

I think with any purchase, you need to take into account your time. I bill myself at $100 an hour (more if I'm feeling confident). Thus I have to take that into account when deciding if it's a deal. I also take into account pain and suffering. It pains me to find a parking spot at the mall, it pains me to wait in a long line, it pains me trying to find a guy in that blue shirt to wait on me... I personally think that online shopping is the best. Or, give gift cards and let them go through the pain of the mall (hopefully your gift card can be used online).

This year, I want to make my gifts. I'm thinking of doing spa baskets for the women, bath and toy baskets for the kids, and the guys...not sure.

B

Sleeping through the night

2009-11-25T03:46:00.002-05:00

Why am I the one not able to sleep through the night? I think it's because the holidays are near and I'm making the final changes to my dissertation. I'm also starting to prepare for the defense. I hope I can get this done before Christmas, but I will miss the Dec defense cut off...It's Nov 30th. I'm fine with it, I just want this to my committee before Dec 25th.

Yesterday was rough for me. I had one of those moments when I was so happy and at peace only to have it come crumbling down in a moments notice. Thoughts of Austin and Audrey normally cause my highs. They are such wonderful kids and they give so much love. I hope they keep the spirit and energy they now have. You look into their eyes and find yourself going to a peaceful place. A joyful place. So innocent and pure. Full of potential and purpose. (Audrey has a lot of purpose right now...she is destroying the house).

Adults on the other hand normally bring about my lows. I think I've entered a new phase. I'm done trying to change people. I'm done trying to explain my side in hopes they will change. People are who they are and if they wanted to bring about change in their lives, they would. It's hard to come to this place and sometimes you forget. That's when the lows come. You think they are going to do what they have promised or you think they will respond a certain way because you have made a valid point or you think they will refrain from certain acts because it drives you crazy.

Nope, never gonna happen...not this time or next. Adults will continue to disappoint you. So you might as well have realistic expectations or just don't have any. For the things that you can control and alter, find peace with them and make sure you are happy and fulfilled. With the rest, you can only do so much and you can only control how you react to the situation. You can always decided to remove yourself from it.

Enjoy Thanksgiving...

First night away

2009-11-11T02:55:00.003-05:00

Last night was the first night I was away from Audrey. We all made it through but it was tough. She's not feeling well and wasn't the happiest baby. Paul was a great dad and did what he could to keep her happy and comfortable. Austin is a wonderful big brother and tried to keep her happy by sharing and entertaining her.

I do think it's official. I have pumped in more locations than any other female in the US! I think I will have any other woman beat...locations and types of locations. Maybe a trucker would have me beat...but it would be a close call.

It's 3:30 and I'm starving. Could be the smell of cookies next to the bed (Thanks Austin) or because I was too tired to eat dinner last night. I'm not going for the cookies...Shelby may have given them a lick (or 2).

Almost 1

2009-11-07T00:28:00.002-05:00

On Sunday, Audrey will be 1. I think I will bake an egg-less, soy-less cake for her. I've noticed that she has a mild skin reaction to eggs and soy. Wouldn't want to end up in the ER on her birthday. I just want to get a photo of her in a cute hat downing her first cupcake. I should wait until the next week since Paul isn't going to be here. Just depends on how much time I have and if the pre-made cake mixes are soy free. LOL

The other day, I got to hear Anita Hill speak. I almost cried. She told a story of two sets of luggage she got as a girl. One for college and one for law school. The first one was used and had another woman's initials. The woman who gave it to her was one of her a strong, intelligent school teachers that inspired her to go to college and leave the area. The second set came from her mom who had saved green stamps for 4 years to pay for it. Her mom didn't really like it that she had received used luggage. (I'm not going to retell the story...it was so inspiring. Basically these women knew that for her to live her dream and break away from the racial and gender problems in rural Oklahoma, she had to leave...)

Her question to the audience was, what will be in your daughters suitcases? What experiences will you have prepared her for?

At the same event, Kathleen Hall-Jamieson also gave a speech (they both won awards from the Red Cross). She talked about community and common bonds. She asked us to remember our common bonds as we navigate political discussions. People are polarized and they only seek out confirming news sources/information. When we know someone is of another ideology, we don't talk to them about topics that would point out the differences. We should...the only way to answer some of our community problems is to talk it out and find consensus. She asked the group to think about what binds us and remember we are a community.

Two amazing women in a hour breakfast!

A New Dress for Audrey

2009-11-02T08:38:00.003-05:00

Yesterday I made this for Audrey. Within 3 minutes, she had managed to get it wet (she was eating Lucky Charms at the time). It didn't stain...thank God. I still have some details to add to the dress. My goal is 3 dresses/outfits a month, but I'll be happy if I get 1 or 2 done.

I made this dress without a pattern with a fabric scrap. I have fabric I bought on sale at the local quilt shop that I plan to get started this week. (Depending on how my writing goes). Then I want to make something with this fabric: (it's a hedgehog...)

I think this would be adorable...but only after I use my other fabric. No more buying of fabric until I've used up what I have.

Swine Flu Vaccine

2009-10-05T15:37:00.004-04:00

Are you getting the swine flu vaccine this year? Are you letting your kids get it? I don't think we will be getting it.

Funny how history repeats itself. I hope this turns out much better than the 1976 Swine Flu mass vaccination.

Part 2

I'm loving Glee

2009-10-02T11:58:00.005-04:00

Have you seen the show Glee? If not, it's on hulu.

I'm in love with it.

Time for Weight Watchers? or more Pumping?

2009-07-02T09:10:00.004-04:00

I'm starting to think this is about the time I start back doing weight watchers. Audrey is taking in more solids and drinking less (well, in theory...haven't noticed it). But is dieting easier than maybe pumping more milk?

If BM averages 22 cal/oz (range 13-35) and it takes your body energy to make it. They say you need 300-500 extra calories above what is needed to maintain pre-pregnancy weight if you are BFing. A BF baby takes 25oz of milk per day (average amount from 1m to 6m). As solids are increased, they take in less milk. At around 7m they take in 30 oz and around 11-16 months they take in 19 oz. She's 8m now and eats about 10 oz of solids and during the day, she drinks about 10 oz of milk. Before solids, she took in around 15 oz during the day. Now, I'm pumping about 10 oz during the day. If I want to lose weight, I should probably increase that to 20 oz during the day. Assuming it takes about 16 cals to produce 1 oz of milk, that would be a 160 cal savings....almost a pound a week. (OK, that's a lot of work for 1 pound a week or is it?) I would ensuring she has enough milk or I could donate the milk to a needy baby. Weight lost could equal saving a child's life.

Maybe I should hold off on Weight Watchers and do the breast pumping diet?

Hello, It's Me Audrey

2009-06-30T08:45:00.005-04:00

So, I think I have the cutest little girl on this planet...okay in this solar system. She's full of life and personality. Here are latest pics. She's starting to move-not like her brother who was walking now. She is crawling, or shall I say scooting backwards, and she is trying to pull her self up. She has perfecting crawling forward, well side to side, in a sitting position. Very strange kid...

Summer Sewing Projects

2009-06-16T04:27:00.006-04:00

I would like to sew Audrey several dresses/rompers this summer. Since it's mid June already and I have no time, I need something easy and fast...no fuss! I'm just not sure that's possible in the world of infant girl fashion. I picked up two infant patterns (and 1 shoe pattern and 2 additional toddler patterns) at my last trip to the fabric store. The only reason I didn't buy fabric is because it was JoAnn fabrics and their fabric SUCKS!

Here are the two infant patterns:

3509

3808

I'm debating what all I would like to make. The romper in 3808 is super fast but both dresses are too cute. I need to get something completed this week. I can not have another craft project go unfinished. Maybe I should do the romper in 3808 this week...see how it goes.

Mommy I want to read

2009-06-04T08:42:00.002-04:00

Austin is really excited about the possibility that he will one too be a reader. He has been begging us to teach him how to read. This is something that I have approached with caution. I don't want to get this wrong and turn him off on reading. So I did research into the best ways to teach kids to read and how teachers are teaching kids to read in school.

There are two main camps: whole word (sight) and phonics. After reading the literature and remembering how I learned to read, I've decided to go with phonics. The whole word has major problems that I'm not going to go into. I've decided to start off with games and went to our learning resource center to check some items out. I picked up these games:

and another game that has cards with a picture and letters missing. For example:
There is a picture of a car with the letters _ar. You have to go through a bag of letters to find the c. He loves this game and got 100% correct with beginning sounds and only missed 2 for end sounds. The ones he missed were K (he put a c) and X (he put a s). Not to bad if you ask me.

We told him that he's on his way to being a great reader. He's very excited.

Number Two...

2009-05-19T00:57:00.003-04:00

Things are going well. Audrey and Austin are doing just fine.

Austin update:
He's amazing at swimming and soccer. In soccer, he rules the field. I'm the proud soccer mom. He's good in swimming but not too graceful. I told him he was giving Michael Phelps a run for his money. When he asked who Phelps was, I told him the best swimmer in the world. He then wanted to know if his breast stroke was the best in the world and I told him no. "What about my front stroke"... I said not yet but with some practice it might be. We try to emphasize that practice = improvements = good job!

Audrey update:
She's starting to move a little. A very little! But she's a great eater. We have progressed to finger foods. And, she believes she should eat when and what you eat.

I'll post pics soon. My tummy hurts...hope I don't have what Paul had.

Austin (update)

2009-05-06T08:42:00.002-04:00

Austin was still under the weather yesterday. He isn't eating much, but who blames him. He's basically on a liquid diet. At his doctor's appointment, she said to keep him on ice pops and light soups.

He didn't play soccer yesterday. (poor thing)...

Hopefully today will be better. I already got a call asking for his iron man.

Homemade Baby Foods

2009-05-06T02:02:00.002-04:00

As I said in an earlier post, we are not buying any store-bought baby foods for Audrey. It's sort of liberating knowing that we are trusting ourselves to provide her nutrition. It seems to go so naturally with breastfeeding. There are many new organic baby food companies on the market that provide frozen or refrigerated foods but at $2 to $3 for each jar, I say "No Thank You".

It's not hard cooking for your baby. And I think it keeps you in the kitchen more. That's what families need. More time at home over the dinner table sharing stories, tales, and experiences. A place where everyone has a voice that is safe and fun. I think these shared moments of our children watching us cook and participating in the prep will move naturally into times when they are teens helping prepare meals. We will be able to talk about our day and current topics. We can share our experiences with our kids.

I remember cooking with my parents and grandparents at a very young age. When it was time to prepare a meal, you were expected to be in the kitchen helping out. When I was too short to reach the stove, they would get me a step stool and tell me to watch the grits (or soup). I got to make the cornbread and learned how to measure out ingredients.

I feel like the baby food industry is like the "Coke" effect. The world didn't need Coke. Coke was introduced and marketing made a market for it. Now it's sold in probably every place in the world and is drank more than water. The baby food market didn't exist. It was introduced and marketed (time saver, feeding your baby better foods that are safe, etc) and now we can't think of not doing it.

But honestly, how hard is it to make peas? Mash with a fork or put them into the blender...and serve.

Claritin contains Dairy? WTH

2009-05-05T09:56:00.002-04:00

I'm very upset... Austin is experiencing another dairy exposure but this time, it's to his allergy medicine--Claritin. I know that we are to blame for not looking at the inactive ingredients, but companies are required to list known allergens clearly on packages. Claritin pills contain "lactose mono hydrate" and that is milk derived. Zyrtec also contains it. I guess many pills and ready tabs contain dairy.

But an allergy medicine containing one of the top 5 know allergens. That is ridiculous. My child is so sick and I feel so bad for him. So if your child has an allergy, please read the back of the medicines and do a google search to make sure there isn't something "undeclared" in there.

"Undeclared" ingredients are also PISSING me off. I found this great site ELL (http://ellfoundation.org/) and I'm going to report this incident to them, the FDA, and Claritin. They are required to list clearly all allergens. Just because something has lactose in it does not mean it's dairy derived. Thus, they are suppose to state that it is.

We need more regulation because the industry is not doing it them selves. Selfish pigs!

Baby Foods

2009-05-02T09:09:00.002-04:00

We have been very casual about the introduction of solids with Audrey. We've decided against pre-made baby foods. Let's be honest...peas, beans, carrots, etc. It's not hard.

We also went pass the puree stage really fast and went to texture. She loved the texture so why make it all runny.

Our approach is what I'm calling a table approach. She's eating what we eat simplified for her age. It's going great. We are doing smaller intro portions to make sure we can catch a reaction.

Today she's sharing blueberry soy yogurt with Austin for breakfast. She already had toast.

I got a new phone...and it's pink

2009-04-24T15:22:00.003-04:00

I got a new phone. It's the Blackberry Curve. So Cute and Pink. I didn't really want pink but Paul got the gray one and they didn't have any other colors. So, I got pink. I have no idea how to use it. Seriously. I can't even text on the thing. I just realized (like this moment) that the keyboard is like the computer keyboard. LOL

Growing

2009-04-05T07:03:00.003-04:00

Austin and Audrey are really growing. Yesterday, Austin went Easter egg hunting with his friend Maria and then brought her flowers. She thanked him and said she would place them in her room so that she could see them daily. OMG.

Audrey has taken to solid foods like a fish to water. She's eating "organic brown rice" cereal and homemade foods: bananas and sweet potatoes. I'm going to introduce apples, peas, and green beans as soon as I make them. She loves to eat. I tried avacodos, but she wasn't in to it. I served them plane and may need to mix them with sweet potaotes or bananas next time. I want to use them as a thickner and a nutrient bost. Homemade foods seem so much easier, healthier and cheaper. She's already in a 6-9 month. Actually she's almost out of a 6-9 month.

I'm not sure when she will start walking, but she is sitting up (requires a little support), has great standing balance, and will walk if holding your fingers. I think she will walk after Austin did but he was 8 months (or was it 7).

I'm on facebook. Yuck! But it isn't that bad. I don't know the lingo yet and am not sure what I'm suppose to do on it. I also don't login in daily so I don't get to follow conversations. And what is the "wall"????

One thing I've started dedicating time to is couponing. First grocery experience, I saved over $50. I saved around $40 the second time. I've saved more by watching sales and stockpiling, but I'm only counting coupons. 90% I got online free! I had my mom send me her newspaper coupons and I've started a coupon folder. My goal is to reach 50% of my grocery bill.

Oh, Day 1

2009-03-01T22:49:00.003-05:00

This is going to be a trip to remember.

The Hawaii Trip

2009-02-25T11:46:00.002-05:00

So we are headed off to Hawaii to meet up with Paul's family for a 2 week vacation. I'll post pictures.
Brenda

No more clean clothes for me

2009-01-19T12:37:00.002-05:00

Alert Vent Post:
I am not going to wear clean clothes anymore...or at least not for awhile. Why? Every time I put on a clean shirt, she spits up on my shoulder. I'm going to keep shirts at the office and put them on when I arrive. I'm going to buy 8 Hanes shirts and where them around the house and to any place that isn't work.

Breast milk stains like crazy (I don't know what formula does b/c I've never used it or fed a baby formula). Whites get yellow stains and colors get bleach like stains. Breast milk must contain tons of killers b/c it kills cottons...

It doesn't matter if I wear a clean or dirty shirt, by the time I arrive to my destination (with or without baby), it's dirty.
Brenda

Rock Star Austin

2009-01-18T12:37:00.005-05:00

Rock Star

I'm not sure how many of you are aware of this, but Austin would like to be a rock star. At school he and several friends pretend to be in a rock band and preform concerts for the class. We decided to have a jam session here at the house. Enjoy. Sorry for the background commentary. This was a priceless moment.

Sleeping like a baby

2009-01-17T19:47:00.002-05:00

When you are a parent of a newborn, the question you always receive is if the baby is good or not. They are inquiring more about the baby's sleep patterns and if the baby cries than anything else. They don't care if she gives you the eye and then has conversations with you. They don't care if she's eating like a champ and took well to breastfeeding. They consider her having a little spunk and telling you what she likes and dislikes as a bad think. When people ask me if she's good, I normally reply that she is good according to my standards and that she has the qualities I like in babies. I don't want a baby that will sit in the stroller for hours not making a peep. I want a child that's active and curious. One that has a personality and doesn't mind expressing it. The one that gets into everything....as they try to figure out how the world works.

With this said, I do have a good baby girl. She sleeps and eats well. She isn't too fussy. Once you take time to notice her likes and dislikes, I would go as far as to say she's easy. But to a some parents, they would consider her high needs. She needs attention, human contact, and human interaction. She likes being near people and being included in what's going on. (Imagine that, a person that wants to be loved and near her family)...

For some reason on the weekends, she likes to merge bedtime with the last nap. She took her nap at 3 and woke at 6, but she only wanted to nurse and go back to sleep. I decided to get her up. Of course when I handed her over to my mom around 7, she fell asleep in her arms. Audrey's favorite spot is in your arms or next to you. She will sleep for hours in your arms.

Brenda

4-6:30 OMG?

2009-01-11T07:25:00.003-05:00

Audrey went down for the family nap at 4pm Saturday. She woke up at 10:30 to eat and be changed (15 min total time up). She woke again at 2:30 but only nursed for about 5 minutes. She finally woke fully at 6:30am. She then ate a lot...so much that she couldn't be put in the sitting position. She's been up for an hour in the bouncy seat while I've feed the cat, played with Austin and had a cup of coffee. I'm totally amazed.

To her defense, she only took cat naps yesterday and last week. She rarely slept over 1 hour at each nap. She's sleeping 12 hrs at night (with 1-2 wakings to eat...I don't change night time diapers unless they are really full) and sleeps for about 2-3 hours during the day. I just went back to see what Austin did at this age...I'll take Audrey's schedule any day over his. He only slept 7-9 hours at night and he nursed ever 1.5 to 2 hours.

Part of me wants to work on increasing her nap times but should I mess with a good thing? She eats so much during the day that by 6:30 she's stuffed and goes straight to sleep for the night. The other thing is that she's not cranky during the day. She's fine with only 2-3 hours of nap time.

I'm leaving her alone...let her sleep 12 hrs at night with 1-2 wakings....This is golden. It may change in the future. I'm sure it will change in the future. So I might as well enjoy what we have now.
(Kate, I'm posting some pics today. I'll also send you an invite to our photo album...that should help.)
Bren

Milk Pumping Queen Part 2

2009-01-05T20:03:00.002-05:00

So in the end, I only pumped 3 oz more than what she ate. So I don't feel that superior anymore. I wanted to pump much more than that...say 12 oz more than what she ate. Maybe they are feeding her too much...

I know I should not feel bad. The goal is to keep up with her demand. But I wanted more "insurance". At least they didn't have to go into my freezer stash.
Brenda

Milk Pumping Queen

2009-01-05T08:57:00.002-05:00

So I'm really proud of my new superpower. I am the milk pumping queen. I'm sure there are many women out there that pump much more than I. This morning, she woke and nursed around 5am. I then pumped 4 oz at 6:30 and another 6 oz at 8:30. This is a lot for me.... Just call me "Pump" or "Milky" from now on.

(Kate: I promise to post more pics of Austin.)

Today I'm working at the office and things are going great. Ok, it's only 9 am and no one is here yet, but I'm not sobbing thinking about how much I miss Audrey and that I should be home with her. She's with loving people now. Our old nanny is helping us out this week. I'm really not sure what we are going to do with childcare. I've started interviewing nannies. One of three showed up for the interview.
Bren

A happy holiday

2008-12-27T09:41:00.002-05:00

We had a great Christmas. Friends, Food and Fun!

I think we've also have reached a milestone with Audrey and Austin. Austin has started sleeping completely by himself. Initially he wanted someone in the room for about 10 minutes at naptime. Now he goes in the room and shuts the door. Audrey is giving us 5-7 hour stretches and then a 3-4 hr one at night. When she does get up, she either eats and go right back down or she wants to chat for about 10-15 min, eat and go back to sleep. I hope this lasts and is an indication of the next year. I do fear that she will start waking at night as she gets older. But if she does, it will be okay. This period passes so quickly and you end up missing those baby sounds.

I made her several CDs of white noise and baby sounds. The sounds on the CDs are:

car ride
shower
rain
vacuum
blow dryer
white noise

Last night I played the rain track and she went out in about 15 minutes. Well, we both went out. I woke for a few minutes and thought it was raining outside. I finally got up around midnight and turned the CD player off. (I love the repeat feature on the CD player). At night she gets fussy and requires to be swaddled. The white noise calms her down so she can nurse and go to sleep. I mean swaddling really works. She will be crying and as soon as the first arm goes down in the blanket, she stops and will smile. She is a very different baby.

Bren

Back to work...for one day

2008-12-23T11:33:00.002-05:00

Today I'm back in the office...for one day. I do a half day tomorrow. Then I return to work on the 5th working 3 days at the office and 2 days from home. So far I've gotten a lot accomplished including 2 pumping sessions. Working on a grant now.

I woke around 5 and she wanted to chat... Then I nursed her and she went back down around 6:30. She slept from 6:30 to 10:30. When she got up she only drank 2 oz of milk. During that time I managed to pump 7.5 oz. I'm sure she's going to eat more today. She probably just wanted a quick snack. OR she's taking the absolute min until I get home.

Sewing projects

2008-12-12T18:30:00.002-05:00

I have so many sewing projects that I'm behind on but I just finished one... OK no sewing was involved but it did require me to cut 5 yards of knit fabric and I normally don't work with knits. I made myself a wrap baby carrier...similar to the Moby wrap (w/o the curve ends).

Audrey LOVES it and has been in it for about an hour now. She's nursing and sleeping. This is normally my difficult time but not tonight. I'm able to blog, search the internet, play with Austin, nurse, and hold a baby...THIS IS GREAT!

NIP (Nursing in Public)

2008-12-12T08:49:00.003-05:00

With Austin, I didn't really go through any extra effort when it came to nursing in public (NIP). I have never owned any nursing clothes. I normally wore a cami and just went to town. Now with Audrey, I'm starting to "cover". Not sure why... I think part of it has to do with Paul. He's been making comments offering me a blanket. Guess he doesn't want me to flash the nipple this time around or maybe he's thinking of other people.

Many moms argue that discrete nursing = not covering up. Because covering calls attention to you. I'm not here to make a political statement out of nursing. Yes, women don't cover up to bottle feed, but if wearing a cover increases the likelhood a women will breastfeed in public and feel comfortable, then cover all you like.

So my 2 task this weekend are to sew a nursing cover and make a wrap baby cover. For the cover, I'm deciding between something like the hooter hider

or just making clips w/ a lined matching fabric:

Sleep and poop...what every new parent is concerned with

2008-11-27T10:47:00.003-05:00

So, she's sleeping great again. Only waking for short periods in the middle of the night. For the last week, she was waking for an hour (or two) during the night and I was going a little crazy. But after a major poop, she's sleeping. The child went a week without taking a poop. We had the doctor initiate the movement and LORD...two diapers full.

As I'm writing this, I'm amazed that I'm sharing this much info and even more amazed I think others care...

I'm back rested and less stressed. Motherhood is full of second guessing yourself, worry, and self-blame. I wonder if fathers go through this or is it just reserved for the stronger sex-mothers. Now on to another major issue for breastfeeding moms....milk supply! The first time around I was always worried about making enough milk. Once Austin's Dr looked at him and said, the boy doesn't look like he's missing any meals...why are you worried. This time around, I'm not worried. I'm also not too worried about pumping. I'm building up a nice supply just pumping once a day. I get about 4 oz pumping while she nurses or just after/just before a feeding.

Happy Turkey Day

If you did remember...

2008-11-23T17:58:00.002-05:00

If you remembered how it was the first time, you may not have a second child. Austin was a good baby and so is Audrey, but I'm still tired. Austin was a serious cluster feeder for about 4 hours every evening and then he would sleep for most of the night. We did have night wakings but it would only last about 5 minutes. Audrey is different. She sleeps great during the day and night, but she wakes for an hour (or two) during the night. She's alert and wants to chat, look around and be parented. Can you believe her? Did she not get the memo on night sleep?

Paul has been wonderful...well this is his child and this is what he should be doing...but I will give him praise. I hear that some fathers wouldn't think of getting up.

I do fear setting up bad sleep associations but all the books say its too early to worry about it. She likes to suck and I've given her my finger several times. Torn about the pacifier. I have issues with it. It's just another thing I'll have to wean her off of and when she wakes in the middle of the night, she'll want it put back in her mouth. So how does it help me?

So the goal this time is to find other ways to soothe besides nursing.

B

Blue?

2008-11-11T11:30:00.004-05:00

Audrey Elizabeth arrived Saturday morning. We are all doing well and Austin is the most pleased. He's very helpful and loving. I'm proud of the boy.

7 lbs 7 ounces

20.5 inches

Quick question...can I put her in Austin's old gowns and onsies? Even if they are blue? What if they say worlds greatest son?

Brenda

Just hormones?

2008-10-29T13:08:00.003-04:00

Yes, talking to a man is hard. They think very different than sane females and they normally don't listen--thus missing what you said. I love the way he throws a random yes in the conversation. Then he sees me smile and has to figure out what he agreed to.

The baby dropped, I'm 50% effaced, and I'm one cm more dilated. She's making her way down.

B

Hormones or Reality?

2008-10-28T16:16:00.003-04:00

Do you ever get to a point when not talking is better in a relationship than talking? Well, I'm there with Paul. I'm not upset at him or even irritated. It's easier and more enjoyable to just not speak about anything other than general chit-chat.

Green light conversations: politics, TV, celebs, news, friends, current events, sports, and weather.

Yellow light conversations: dinner, lunch, breakfast, Austin, Audrey, friends and our extended family.

Red light conversations: everything else

Maybe this is just the pregnancy hormones, but I don't feel upset about it. It was frustrating at first, but stopped once I was able to categorize things.

Well, off to get Austin from school.

Time to get the bag ready

2008-10-26T13:01:00.002-04:00

I'm working on the hospital bag this weekend. We also turned the upstairs office into Austin's big boy room. He's very excited and slept there last night. He tried to take a nap in the room but was too excited. I was really surprised at how vested he was in the decorating. I brought a chair in and put it in the corner. He moved it to where the book case was. Then he told Paul where to place the dresser. He went and got one of each ball type (Eagles football, basket ball, soccer ball) and placed it on it's own shelf. Then he placed the moon night light at the top shelf. He placed his largest fire truck on the dresser and brought his "big boy books" in for the book case.

We put spider man wall stickers all around the room (including the ceiling) and we put the solar system on the window (we included Pluto...I bought this years ago). Today, he took his imaginary friend, Maddie, on a tour of the room. She loved it and stayed for a while.

I'll post pictures later...

Guess what day today is at school?

2008-10-21T09:57:00.002-04:00

No, not pretend you are on highway cleanup patrol from the local jail...It's ORANGE DAY! Austin wanted to wear everything he had that was orange...

As the Due Date gets closer

2008-10-21T01:04:00.004-04:00

I have started working from home. That is such a big thing for me. I hope I don't go crazy and I hope I don't end my relationship with Paul. I know that timing would be awful. I am pregnant with his child, but I may wake up and decide I've had enough and tell Paul to pack his bag. That is truly an option if I see the computer glow coming from the office one more time after 1am.

He's playing Warhammer and Conan. Maybe I should just turn off the electricity after a certain time. They have to have a timer I can put on the circuit. It would take him a couple of days before he figured it out. And think of how funny it would be.

Now on to the other man in my life, Austin. Monday's are swimming lessons and this Monday he decided he didn't want to swim. He made the announcement when he woke up and held strong to his decision as he screamed from the top of the lungs while in the water. The instructor tried everything (as did we) but he is a stubborned little booger at times...just like his parents. I wish I would have had the camera to get a video tape of it. My wonderful son. But to his defense, I think he didn't take his nap at school. My child needs his 2-4 hour daily nap. He's a wreck with out it.

I guess I need to pack my hospital bag. I've started to dilate and she's in position, but she could stay just where she is until they pull her out. I can't wait to meet her and see what she looks like. Find out what's her temperament is like. See her and Austin lock eyes... Oh, I did the baby announcement a couple of weeks ago. Got up one Sunday morning at around 5 am and used Illustrator. It's so cute... This time there will not be 5+ pieces to assembly as with Austin's customized handmade announcements. I decided to instead spend hours designing it and then will have to spend only a couple of hours inserting the photo and making the envelopes. Maybe I should use mail merge...

Oh, we gave Austin a hair cut Sunday. He is so cute. I'll post a photo of it tomorrow. We also went to the pumpkin patch and decorated pumpkins this weekend with is friend Maria (and family). He really likes Maria. She did Hanna Montanna songs while Austin danced around her singing "Rock Star"...oh, you did know that he wants to be a metal Rock Star? Yes, he's started a little band at school with a couple of other chaps. They have about 3 songs. One is a Rock version of the ABCs (my fav)...Rock On!
Brenda

Photos (current)

2008-10-13T15:14:00.002-04:00

Here are the latest photos. My belly is so big!

Photos (older)

2008-10-13T15:01:00.006-04:00

Just realized I haven't been putting photos up... Here are some from the summer.

Took these at the aquarium.

Nesting?

2008-10-10T11:02:00.003-04:00

We still have nothing completed. For some reason, I'm not worried anymore about it. If worst comes to worst, we will pick up diapers and wipes on the way home from the hospital. Milk is made on the premises and she will sleep in my arms or on the boppy. I should get the suitcases ready.

My mom is coming to visit around the 12th and will stay through Thanksgiving. That should be lots of fun. I still haven't made the quilt, but I might start that next weekend. It shouldn't take too long. I'm going to start sewing more b/c I want to sew her dresses and cute outfits. Plus that will help my skills so I can sew myself more things. RTW really sucks these days and nothing fits the way I like it to. Plus I hate the color selections.

The hard part is going to be figuring out what size to make for her if I want to sew a season early. The cool part is that if you look at little girls dresses, they basically have the same fundamental pattern. They are A-line above the knee dresses with either a button or zipper closure.

Yes, there are other options, but you can get away the pattern above for a whole season (or two). And with the see&sew patterns being less than $3...you can't help but make the dresses... The pattern above is $6.90 but the fabric stores always have them 50% off.

Fabric needs are about 1 yard (size 6 girls is about 1.5 yards). Cost of a nice cotton or denim is about $6/yrd not on sale and of course the fabric stores have 40-50% sales every week. So after the initial $3 pattern cost, you pay about $5 for fabric and notions. Compare that price to the cost of one dress at Kohls: $22.40 (on sale). That's a 80% savings on each dress.

I have not factored in time cost, but think of how lovely it would be to sew for you little girl. Just one more reason for her to hate you when she grows up.

Brenda

Only 2.5 months

2008-09-04T08:43:00.002-04:00

Due date is soon approaching and there is so much that could be done. To be honest, I'm not sure what will get done. Besides the basics, I'm not sure what is needed. Last time, I prepared and did enjoy it. But we didn't use many of the things and soon found easier ways and places to accommodate our needs.

Pregenancy, Take Two

2008-08-05T09:20:00.002-04:00

There is something about motherhood that makes things so easier, lack of memory. I think that if you recalled how you felt the last time, you wouldn't do it for a next time. I should remember all the aches and pains from Austin, but I don't. I know I had to have some discomfort, but I really don't recall what, when, or how much.

But motherhood brings one amazing blessing....love. I have truly learned about love and the different types of love. My husband provides me with one type of love and Austin provides another. The love I receive from them is wonderful. It does feel you up inside and give you a purpose. The acts of kindness from my son does top those from my husband.

...sorry Paul! But Austin shares his power rangers or gives me an ice pop when I'm down. You want to talk about it...

I enjoy being with Austin and Paul.
When I was single, there was "me".
When I got married and had children, there became"us".
Us totally trumps me. I try to enjoy every moment, every day. I know that soon, he will be living his own life with his own family.

The other day on our way out of Target (yes, we bought more power ranger action figures), there was a mother/father/son family going into the store. The mom was reading off what was still needed for him going away to college. I looked at Austin and felt tears start.

Brenda

Hawaii with a baby

2008-07-06T15:55:00.002-04:00

We are going to Hawaii next Feb/March with Austin and the new addition. I started to panic about all the gear we will need for the children-mainly the 4 month old baby, but Paul said that all we really need is Mom for milk. That was a very simple response and it really did put things into prespective for me.

So, she will need more than me. She'll need diapers, wipes, car seat, playmat or bouncer seat, sun screen, clothes, and breast pump with bottles. There will be many adults there--Paul's whole family--and the house is on the beach. I'm going to buy many items there at the local Walmart (daipering, bottles, car seat, and the bouncy seat). I'll bring my hand breast pump...I plan to nurse more than pump...

Here is my planned list. Please add to it if you think I'm missing something:
-diapers
-wipes
-changing pad(s)
-bottles
-breast pump (manual)
-car seat
-baby monitor
-bouncey seat
-play mat

Possible items:
-stroller

It's a Girl

2008-06-25T20:49:00.003-04:00

We had the ultrasound last week and found out we are having a girl. At first it took some getting used to, but I was soon ready for the new arrival. I really thought it was a boy and that I would not have to buy many new clothes, but now I need to go shopping.

Bren

I'm still confused about food labels...

2008-05-07T08:59:00.003-04:00

As you know, Austin is allergic to dairy. We are pretty good at watching what he eats to limit his exposure to dairy. The FDA requires food manufactures to list common food allergens on food labels in simple terms. As of Jan 2006, food labels had to clearly state if food products contain any ingredients that contain protein derived from the eight major allergenic foods. The eight major allergens are: milk, eggs, fish, shellfish, tree nuts, peanuts, wheat, or soybeans.

They have one of two choices in how to identify if a allergen is present:
Option 1: they have to list the common term next to the ingredient in the list. Ex: whey (milk), eggs, vanilla, natural and artificial flavoring.

Option 2: List ingredients as normal, but have a line that says: Contains Wheat, Milk, Eggs and Soy...

I keep hearing that certain items should be avoided because either they contain milk or they may contain milk. These items include: lactic acid, lactate, caramel color, caramel flavoring, brown sugar flavoring, and several others.

I'm noticing several problems with this and am now confused...1) manufactures are not required to list the specific spices, flavorings, and coloring agents. Thus, caramel color, caramel flavoring, and brown sugar flavoring do not have to be listed. They also do not have to declare if they are derived from one of the 8 allergens.

Lactic Acid is normally dairy free, but lactic acid starter culture contains milk. Very confusing still...

Now on to the scary part of things...Allergy Alerts.
1) One soymilk company is recalling it's chocolate flavor soy milk because it contains milk.
2) Perdue recalled boneless skinless chicken breast because of undeclared milk. (why would chicken breast have milk??? These were regular chicken breast...not stuffed or marinated.

I'm pregnant!

2008-04-25T14:32:00.003-04:00

For the people who didn't know, we are pregnant again. The due date is Nov...16th or 13th....mid November. I plan to find out the gender of the little one. Paul thinks it will be a boy and I'm voting on a girl. What ever we are blessed with will be fine, but we already have boy clothes and toys...

I told my boss and she already knew. She was waiting for me to tell her. My belly is starting to show. So soon! It's like my body said, pregnant...you know what to do. I'm hoping our first nanny can help out and she's excited also. If not, Austin's daycare takes kids at 3 months and we like their baby room. We LOVE our old nanny. She was great with Austin.

Now I'm in the nesting phase and we are about to start home decoration projects. The deck needs to be finished. We have to do something about the front room. We need to buy some furniture and we need to paint. So much to do!

My son wants to be in a rock band!

2008-03-28T10:23:00.002-04:00

Austin has announced to us that he wants to be a singing and dancing star...like the guy in one of his videos that's in a rock band. So I have a ork loving, castle building, sports playing, rock star... I can't wait to see what he grows up to be.
B

Not my normal post...

2008-03-26T15:57:00.004-04:00

So, I don't normally talk about politics, but Hilary's latest comments are crazy. I'm talking about the Bosnia sniper mis-speaking.... So she says she was under sniper fire when there is clear evidence she wasn't. Then she says she mis-spoke because she was sleep deprived. When I heard this, all I could think about was her 3 am ad...

So if she's President and hasn't gotten all of her rest and there is a call at 3am...will she misspeak? Here are the videos of her saying she was sleep deprived and the 3 am ad...

Honey Keeps the Cough Away

2008-03-16T08:09:00.002-04:00

So, Grandma was right when she gave us honey at night for our cough. I already know honey and lemon is best for a sore throat and recently confirmed honey and lemon tea helps for congestion. In a recent study by Penn State researchers, a small dose of buckwheat honey provides better relief of nighttime cough- when given at bedtime- than no treatment or dextromethorphan (DM). Dr. Ian M. Paul, one of the study’s authors, reported, “The results were so strong that we were able to say clearly that honey was better than no treatment and dextromethorphan was not.” He went on to say, “Many families are going to relate to these findings and say that Grandma was right.”

So the next time you or the little one has a cough....get the honey--buckwheat honey!

Down over 12 lbs...

2008-03-12T10:36:00.002-04:00

Not sure why, but I've lost more than 12 lbs. I haven't been dieting either. I think it was the Reiki and that I got really busy with work and home life. My day is so full that I have very little time. Recently, I have no appetite.

I love Reiki and people are noticing the calmer Brenda. I go twice a week when I can. I'm also taking a sewing class once a week. We are making a little girls dress. I picked the cutest fabric in various shades of hot pink and green...it's called Fruity Tutty.

More later
Brenda

I'm a big boy now

2008-02-07T09:56:00.000-05:00

My Austin is a big boy. He gets dress by himself, is potty trained (except for poos), does his hair, and can make simple meals. His meals consist of freezer pops and ice, but he's trying. I can see how he's going to look as a teen and think I have an idea of what our problem areas are going to be.

Where did the past 3 years go? I have so enjoyed being his mother. He was a great infant, easy toddler, and now is an amazing big boy. He has a warm personality and is compassionate to others. He's the little problem solver. When conflicts arise, he makes offerings to make people happy...my little treaty maker.

I'm going to miss the baby, but I look forward to the child.

5 down...25 to go

2008-01-23T19:11:00.000-05:00

So I have decided I want to lose 30 lbs total. I know that's a bit much, but it's what I want. Of course if we get pregnant, I will stop dieting...

I've lost 5 lbs in a week and feel motivated now. I know I won't lose this every week and much was water, but it feels great. 30 pounds would put me in a size 4 or 6. Wouldn't that be WONDERFUL...

I've been counting points on weight watchers, but they have a core program that I might try if my lost slows down too much. You don't concentrate on points, you eat from a healthy list of foods.

Brenda

Fogo de Chão tomorrow

2008-01-18T18:42:00.001-05:00

I've started back up with Weight Watchers and am doing pretty good. I've lost 4 lbs this week alone. It's probably only 3 lbs because I was blotted the first day, but still.

I've been eating a healthy breakfast vs not eating any breakfast. For lunch, I'm also staying on program. Dinners have been easy since Paul arrives home after I eat. I did have fast food once this week, but I skipped dinner that night. I know that's bad, but I wasn't hungry and it was a late lunch. Today I missed lunch because of work. I was pretty upset about that because I had grilled chicken and corn planned for lunch...guess I'll eat it Monday.

I'm trying to not skip meals and to stay on program each day. I'm also trying to not go over on my points. For breakfast, I've been having a quiche I made (5 points). For lunch, 1/2 whole wheat pita with hummus and turkey (the same thing I like to make Austin). For diner, chicken breast (or any meant) and veggies. No more coffee... Just hot tea. It hasn't been hard and I don't feel hungry... GREAT!

Tomorrow we go to Fogo de Chão. I think the best I can do here is damage control. I'll eat light for breakfast (maybe 1 egg and 2 egg whites with LF cheese = 3pts). Dinner is at 4, so I can do a light lunch (veggies with grilled chicken=3 pts). I get 22 points (plus I have 30 flex points). So without using any flex points, I would have about 16 points for dinner. I know I'm going to drink...= 4 points each. Then there is the bread, sides, and meat... Humm, I might just eat what I want and call it a wash. LOL

I'll have a good time, but I'm going to focus on the meats...

See Ya

Not a Gamer, but I want this

2008-01-08T18:31:00.000-05:00

I just saw this on CNet's page about CES2008. They say you want it if you are a gamer. Well, I want this and I'm not a gamer. This is AMAZING. Think of all the windows I can have open, all the desktop icons, all the photos...This is almost as good as... that brings up another thing to watch on this monitor...MOVIES! Think of how great Cary Grant would look on this monitor.

It's by Alienware and has a resolution of 2880x900. I'm not sure how much it will cost, but Paul wouldn't have to twist my arm on this purchase. He would only have to promise it goes on My New Computer and I get 1 hour of quite time a night...

Paul...we need new computers and I need this monitor. I may have to pick up gaming to justify this purchase.

That Lemon Lemonade Thing

2008-01-08T11:27:00.000-05:00

When I took my job, it was for 2 years. My contract (and funding) runs out July 1. This project might not receive funding or it might not receive enough funding for a full time person. Thus, I have to find something else. Of course this all comes at a time when schools aren't hiring and there aren't many foundation positions open. There has been positions posted in DC, but that's a long commute.
This also means that if I were to get pregnant, I wouldn't have insurance for some of the pregnancy or when the baby was born. (maybe I could go on welfare and WIC)...

So, Kathleen is looking for me grant position and I have given word to other professors. But maybe this is time to make lemonade out of lemons? I've been talking about this small business initiative with NIH for a while now. My dissertation would really work well as a start up... And even if I find another job, I can use the work I do to be a grant...that would help with tenure.

Spider Man

2008-01-03T20:21:00.001-05:00

OMG...It's been over 2 months

2008-01-03T19:48:00.000-05:00

Time really does go by fast. I kept saying I would post tomorrow...

So here is the update...

Austin loves school and we are happy with the daycare.

Paul's situation is still the same.

My life is still the same.

The most interesting events revolve around Austin. He's really advancing along. Physically he's amazing and he has an ear for music and singing. He enjoys puzzles, math games, writing, drawing, counting, coloring, cutting, pasting...not too much he doesn't enjoy and do a great job at. HE LOVES Tom and Jerry and Looney Tunes. He likes us to read to him and make up stories. Often times we will ask him to tell us a story and he dives right in to what ever the topic is.

But as you all know, he's not a quite, calm child. He's high energy, high movement, and just...high on life. He's very emotional and is attached to our family. When friends and family visit, he sees them as being part of the group and becomes attached. He miss you guys when you leave and ask about you. :-) "Baby Rowan is his best friend"...so is Jacques, Doug, Debbie, Josh, Rebbecca, Edith, Grandpa, PaPa, Grandma, Auntie Allyson, Auntie Lorna, Auntie Rozitta...you get the picture. He seems so genuine and to him they are his best friends. Kids are great.

He has a girlfriend at school-Autumn. She is the cutest out of the bunch and she likes to raise her shirt. I hope this isn't what attracts him to her, but if it is, he isn't the first man to fall for skin.

Now to the latest terror in our lives. We spent Saturday afternoon to Sunday morning in the ER room. At first we were at Kennedy in NJ and they transfered us to CHOP. It was very scarry and we left with no true explanation for his symptoms. He did feel better after the MORPHINE... Go figure. We have an appointment with a specialist. Keep your fingers crossed it's only good news. I breastfed for almost 3 years, he better be okay! Milk equity has to account for something.

I'm going to post some photos.

Take care, Brenda

2007-10-23T19:49:00.000-04:00

I think this is the beginning of the end. He was actually playing one of Paul's game. Then we got him the Cars game and he really enjoyed it... Is this the end of sweet active Austin?

So Austin LOVES school. When I pick him up he doesn't want to leave. I figured out that when I arrive they have only been outside for 15 minutes. So I'm going to arrive a little later for him to have more play time with friends. The teacher told me he is the only kid who doesn't want to go home. Most kids are there from 7 to 6, but Austin is only there from 9:30/10 to 4 and 2 hours of that is his nap. At first he would only sleep for 45 min to an hour, but now he's up to his normal time. They are really surprised at how well he's taken to daycare. All the teachers know him...true he's the only black boy in the whole daycare and there's only one or two black girls. But I would like to think they know him because of his winning personality.

So what do I do with the extra 30 minutes? I'm thinking errands, cleaning, etc.

We had friends over this weekend...playgroup friends. A Colombian wife and NJ husband. They also brought a Colombian female friend over. I point out nationalities because they had never did the pumpkin thing...neither had I. We went with the kids and picked them out. Then Paul did a demo and they went at it. During all of this, I did craft with the kids. We colored, used markers and adult scissors, glued w/ a glue stick and glitter glue and used stickers. I'm amazed how many parents don't do crafts with their kids. As soon as Austin stopped putting things in his mouth we were doing painting. I started coloring and glueing before a year.

Okay, got to go. My mom and Austin are having words. Both are screaming at each other. They have a STRANGE relationship...

So you want to go to school?

2007-10-06T20:23:00.000-04:00

Austin is really looking forward to school. He has the bookbag, lunch box, crib sheets, blanket, and new clothes. I'm not sure if he totally understands what will happen, but he's excited. He was suppose to have his "pre-enrollment" visit on Friday and then start full time on Monday.

Guess what? He woke up sick on Friday. I told Paul is was just allergies the night before. Paul thought it was much more...We took him to the doctor because we need a form filled out for daycare and she thinks he has strep. She did a throat swab and we get the official results Monday. They started him on antibiotics because there were puss filled things in his throat. Okay so it wasn't allergies.

Maybe he didn't want to go to preschool after all.

Another Big Fat Negative

2007-09-28T19:27:00.000-04:00

I really don't plan for this to be come my infertility blog. I did a home pregnancy test. I used the same one I used with Austin and on the same day of the cycle. I got a negative result. It's early by a couple of days, but I don't think this is the month.

Guess we will try it again. Maybe things will get better since I stop nursing and I'm taking a drug that's normally suppressed when breastfeeding. So maybe there is hope.

I think i should buy stock in home pregnancy test. The markup is amazing.

All hope is gone

2007-09-28T03:46:00.000-04:00

I'm not sure why I'm convinced this time didn't work. I normally have hope to the last second and then sometimes after that. We have all heard of the girl who got her period, but was pregnant. This time I'm in the "2 weeks waiting" convinced I'm not pregnant.

I don't understand why it's taking so long. Everything is working on both ends. Things might not be as good as a 20 year old, but we don't have any major problems. I wonder if it's because I'm so stressed about life...jobs (or the lack of them), nanny leaving, Austin starting daycare, etc. Maybe the little one doesn't want to be born to a woman who is full of tension.

I wish I could wish it true...just like a 16 old who just missed her period could wish that not true...

So Austin starts daycare in a week. He'll have a good time. He'll charm the teachers with how smart he is and how active he is. Isn't that what every parent wants who send their child to daycare. I notice how they sit and talk about how much the teacher loves their child and how much he's the favorite. I've always seen that as them trying to convince themselves that their child is getting better treatment than they know is really going on. If they think the teacher favors their child, they don't have to accept the fact that their child is in the room with many other kids and are being neglected at times. We want to believe that every time our child needs attention, compassion, and reassurance that the teacher is right there to give it.

I know daycare doesn't = neglect. If it did Austin wouldn't be going. I had a bad experience with the Goddard School and can't forget it. Austin was 9 months and now he's almost 3. For us, this is a good time for daycare/preschool. I do wonder what they will do with him. Teach colors, number, and letters. He knows that. The boy does simple math, phonics, beginner reading, and has wonderful art skills. I'm sure he will get a lot from the class, but I hope they keep him challenged.

I've already started to think about planning his 3rd birthday party. I think I want to do a Holiday Cookie Birthday party theme. By then he'll have more friends and I can pre-bake the vegan cookies. I think this party will be big but more for his age group. Of course we will invite all of our friends. I always believe in having an adult part to any kids party. Plus we love our friends and like having them around. Maybe I'll make an adult dessert section...a brownie section...or a fondue area. This is sounding great already...

Austin is Weaned and Goodbye to the Nanny

2007-09-22T04:30:00.000-04:00

It has been about 6 days since Austin had his nightly dose of mother's milk. We explained that it was broken and that he really didn't need it any more. We also told him that I made a lot more when he was a baby b/c that's all he ate and drank, but that I made less milk as he got older and ate more foods. We then told him this was natural and part of becoming a big boy. Not a tear...

He asked for it the next night but was fine when I told him they were still broken. It is harder getting him down to sleep. No tears, just have to do the story and talk to him... Which is hard for me. I keep falling asleep. I tried to do little red riding hood two nights ago and fell asleep in the middle. He woke me up and I told him to "pay ezpass". I think I'm going to buy a bedtime story book and start putting him down earlier. Oh, I probably should stop waking up at 3 in the morning to look at TV.

The nanny has given her notice. Her part time job has become a full time job with benefits and a pay raise. So we have to find childcare for him. I think we are going to do a center...

Bren

Goodbye

2007-08-30T17:38:00.000-04:00

Today my grandmother died. She has been very ill and we all knew it would happen soon. I think I had mentally prepared for this. It's wasn't a shock. She was 93 (actually she's older, that's the age she finally decided upon a couple of years ago when my dad said her tomb would have a ? for age). She had a strong soul and was a hard worker. Very set in her ways and always wanted the best for her kids.

Bye Isabella Johnson
...may you join your husband Jim in heaven

So sorry too long away

2007-08-09T16:55:00.000-04:00

It has been too long since I last posted. Not too much has changed in my life. I go to work, come home, take care of Austin and then go to sleep. On the weekend, I take care of Austin, hang out with Austin and Paul and then go to sleep.

But it's a good life. Watching Austin grow and learn is wonderful. This is a great age. He's learning so much with the Nanny. Paul and I also do a lot of educational and physical games with him. He's really physical and has tons of energy. It's hard to keep up at times.

We are working on alphabet recognition. He knows his colors, shapes, and can sing the ABC song. He knows A, B, S and a couple of other others. He's really good with counting and simple adding and subtracting. When he was counting his cars and then said he needsed one more to make ten, I almost cried. I love that little boy.

Bren

Cooking together

2007-06-24T17:53:00.000-04:00

So we are all sick. Our wonderful child gave us a cold. Paul hasn't completely developed all the symptoms, but Mommy feels like hell. Austin sounds horrible. His cough is wet, but he is still very active.

Paul and I cooked dinner together and so far so good. Well, my vegan biscuits didn't taste like my grandmothers. We are cooking chicken and gravy, biscuits, and greens. When ever I get a cold, I over eat and gain weight. So far, I'm up 2 lbs...

Work is going good. Life at home is good. Diet is okay. Austin is wonderful. He's at this stage where he wants to know every one's name and if they are his friend. If someone is nice to him, he will tell you that they love him and that they are his friend. Personally this scares the crap out of me...with all the crazy people in the world, but what are you to tell him (in front of the other person). I hope he out grows this soon.

He called my dad to say happy fathers day. He then told my dad that he loved him. When my father replied that he loved him too. Austin said, "I love me too". It was priceless.